I want to begin this review by listing a few of Adam Sandler's watchable if not enojoyable movies from earlier times. Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy, Big Daddy...don't hearing some of these bring bad good quotes and splendid times? If the answer is yes then you may understand why I was interested in seeing Don't Mess With The Zohan...maybe even excited. Most of Adam's outings are usually a good watch. Then...I saw Zohan.

One of the few reasons to watch this film...


Now, before I start critiquing this film let me tell you of this ridiculous plot. An Israeli Special Forces Soldier fakes his death to become a New York City hair stylist. Alright, well it's a comedy so it's probably going to have a plot that is a little out there. I gave it that...and payed for my ticket. My girlfriend and I were looking for a good night at the movies. She doesn't like horror movies...if only I would have known of Zohan's level of suck. The movie was a generic comedy until one scene...when Adam's character catches a fish in his ass/asshole. That's when the movie started draining any sense of sanity and clarity of mind.

Ugh


Adam Sandler and the rest of the Happy Madison productions seem to think that they can film piles of bull shit swarming with flies, slap Adam Sandler on the cover and tv spots, and make a good movie. Getting back to the movie itself...he begins having sex with old women and fat women...even fat old women. His salon becomes such a hit, so much that he is noticed by a former enemey from Israel. They plot to kill him, yada yada yada...I can't even remember anything other than shit sliding in and out of view. At one point however, Mariah Carrey comes on screen and the film is watchable yet again! My god Mariah what the hell were you thinking? Did you read this script before you said you would be in the movie? I MEAN, READ THE SCRIPT. It's HORRIBLE.

This is the ass you get to witness.


Like all comedies, the film ends with everyone being happy. Zohan's rival and himself team up against a greater evil, Zohan gets the girl, yeah yeah whatever. In conclusion....this movie is TERRIBLE. It's a "comedy" yet, the only laughable moment is when a fat woman's ass is exposed incidentally. If I wanted to see that I would do a quick search on the many porn search engines here online. Do NOT watch this movie unless you fall into these categories.


-ADHD
-Kindergarten
-Homosexual (there is a nice homosexual asian hair stylist in this film)
-Transexual
-You like Gary Colemen
-You want to lose intelligence.
-You think my opinion is wrong.

If you do not fall into one of those categories then stay away. To rate this movie...I would rather watch Sidekicks. This film gets a .50 out of 4 popcorn bags.

-Apple Juice