I would first like to make everyone aware that the decision to review this movie was nothing more than a pick of a card. Aside the random decision, I had heard of this movies reputation and it seemed to be well. I had heard nothing but positive things of this movie. Something in my mind couldn’t put aside the fact that all “zombie” movies usually suck dick…but I can never help myself. Zombies are a big fascination of mine...a dream that will never bloom. Regardless, I decided to give it a go.

The movie opens up with shots of riots and outburst across the world, an effective opening. It quickly throws you into a primate research facility that had horrible scares and loud ass audio which is the only thing that made me jump in this movie…the LOUD ASS AUDIO. Anyway some people are breaking into this research facility. Not only does the crew that is breaking in look completely generic but they also have horrible accents and obsessive, forced cursing. The kind of cussing you hear “cool” kids use in 3rd grade. The scientist tries to stop them from releasing the primates because it may cause an outbreak! The apes are infected with rage….so I suppose this isn’t a “zombie” movie…god those apes banging on the cage was annoying as fuck. Needless to say they all get infected. STOP. HITTING. THE. CAGE. FUCK.

The movie picks back up 28 days later.....how clever…you get to see a naked dudes small ass penis…I nearly puked up my beef and bean burrito. They just keep showing his naked ass…..and dick. This guy is stranded in what looked to be a hospital all alone. Shortly after the forced Pepsi plug the movie starts. After walking around an empty city and 100 “HELLO?!?!” yells later he decides he is going to check out a church. Upon entering the church he finds a whole cathedral full of dead people. He says hello one more time....a few of the bodies look up with the gayest looking expressions on their faces. The priest of the church comes charging at him and he hits him in the face with a bag of Pepsi cans. He begins running from the remaining enraged people and is saved by two other non-infected survivors. From them he learns what is going on…god he looks so gay.

After learning of what has happened he insists on checking on his mother and father. He finds they are dead in bed. After a long melancholy/mudick mode moment two infected run into the house…the other two come to his aid. There is a black bitch and a generic white dude, the white dude gets infected and the black bitch slaughters him. An interesting note…the black girl in this movie looks more like an ape than the infected which is interesting. God those accents kept pissing me off. They go into an apartment complex and after yet ANOTHER Pepsi advertisement they are saved by some fat ass with a riot shield. Something about this movie annoys the shit out of me at this point…I realized that it was because of the terrible accents and the gay ass main character, Jim. Let’s not forget about the gorilla bitch.

These new found allies, Frank and his daughter take the two in. The next day they hear a radio transmission. They decide to go to it’s location and perhaps live a more quality life. The gorilla bitch is all HELL NAW but the daughter says some bullshit that makes them all decide to go. God when will this end? They begin their venture towards the military set-up in a truck. Big ass frank decides to go under a tunnel and ramps crashed cars...gets a flat tire. God what a dumbass. Why the hell would you try going OVER other cars….with another car. Needless to say they get a flat tire and are stuck in an underground tunnel. They switch the tire all while being ran upon by a horde of infected. They get out just in the nick of time…go figure. This scene felt so fucking forced. Why the hell did he even try bulldozing through other cars? Who wrote that? Writer: “Then this fat bitch just ignores all things sane and decides to smash through piles of cars...when there is an alternate route…” Aspiring Writer: “Yeah, yeah! Man how do you do it? Man….Maaaaaan….I tell ya….man.”

Every scene there is infected in seems so forced. Every time they encounter an infected it’s because they are walking into buildings that they don’t need to go into or some other retarded idea they come up with. Typical zombie/horror movie I suppose though. This movie can’t get worse. Wait…I’m wrong…it seems Gorilla Bitch and Jim are now an item. Love interest in a zombie movie! Great…..after the forced scares and the unveiling of a love interest they arrive to where the radio transmission was coming from. Everyone is dead. This is where Frank gets infected…a drop of blood falls into his eye from an infected body hanging above. He then gets shot by hidden military units in front of his own daughter. They are taken back to the military safe-haven. Oh yeah…more shots of Jim’s naked ass.

The military base turns out to be a small brigade of men…the leader of this small group reveals that he is going to use the women to re-populate, start a new beginning. After many events I am to lazy to type up Jim escapes the camp. They show scenes of the military men undressing the gorilla bitch. Obviously these men are desperate. SHE LOOKS LIKE A GORILLA. Meanwhile, Jim is trying to rescue the girls. This turned into a super hero zombie movie. Wooo. Jim goes berserk on everyone ends up saving both of the girls. He literally turned into Commando. After everyone is killed at the military base they are home free. Jim wakes up from his wounds 28 days later…how clever. So…brilliant. The movie ends with all three of them getting the attention of a jet plane. The credits roll with a last shot of Jim’s ugly mug.

Overall I’d say this review is far too long…this movie doesn’t deserve this much coverage. I definitely wouldn’t say it’s the worst zombie movie…I’m looking at you Return of the Living Dead. I have nothing good to say other than if you like Zombie movies, check it out. However, I can’t refrain from listing the bad points.

The main character’s face gets a lot of camera time.
A main supporting actress looks like a FUCKING GORILLA.
The accents.

I most definitely don’t think watching this movie was a waste of time, aside all of my negative attention given to it. Maybe it’s my obsession with zombie movies and anything of the like. I would give this movie less than 2 popcorn bags, but apocalyptic zombie scenarios win me over. I give this movie a 2.50 out of 4 popcorn bags. Now, I’m going to go use my Mind Eraser from Men in Black to forget Jim’s uncircumcised penis shot.

-Apple Juice